I am too independent

Have you ever stopped to think about how much you rely on others, or how independent you are? Are you dependent or independent?

Up until a few weeks ago, I know that I didn’t. Now I know that I am independent and I dislike asking others for help. It took breaking my foot to realise this though.

Two weeks ago I dropped a laptop on my foot. Sure it hurt, but it wasn’t like oh my gosh I am dying of agony. It was swollen and I couldn’t put my weight on my foot, instead opting to walk on the outside of my foot rather than the whole foot. It was just bruised in my mind. However after a few days and still no improvement (it was actually worse if I am being honest) I took the morning off work and decided that maybe it would be a good idea to get a doctor to look at it. Turns out I was wrong and it was broken. Nothing that they can do for it as it isn’t in a place that can be casted. Just keep my weight off of it for 4 weeks and it should be alright. So for the first time in my life I had to learn how to use crutches. I am uncoordinated at the best of times, but add in crutches and I am hilarious.

For the first few days I spent a lot of time laughing at myself as I struggled with things. I decided that it was better to laugh at myself so that everyone else could laugh with me instead of laughing at me. It was then that I realised that this wasn’t going to be an easy few weeks. My other muscles started to ache. The outside of my broken foot started to hurt more than the original ache. Then it was my knees, both of them, my hips, my back and finally my hands and arms. The more I walk, the more I hurt. The downside is that the more that I don’t walk, the more that my foot swells and goes numb. It is kind of like the lesser of the two pains.

At work I have to climb a flight of stairs on crutches. I have to move around the office and then get down at the end of the afternoon. I have to rely on others to drive me around as I can’t put weight on my foot enough to drive safely. The little things I have to ask for help with. Getting my lunch heated up, my water bottle filled, coffee for my desk, carrying things up and down stairs and the list goes on. I HATE being dependant on anyone and this last 2 weeks have shown me how hard I actually find it to ask for help. I have tried to find ways around having to ask for help, but at the end of the day I know that if I can’t work it out, I need to open my mouth and ask for help.

It feels unnatural for me to utter the words “Can you please help me.....” I still stutter over then now and I am counting down the days until I don’t have to utter them again. I am happy to help others, but I have decided that I am way too independent to ask for others to help me.