Do you know you are beautiful?

Do you know you are beautiful?

A friend of mine published a blog post today entitled I am woman HEAR ME ROAR that made me think and inspired me in a way. It was all about how we are beautiful, but we so rarely say it and that beauty isn't just how we look.

My comment in response to her post was an honest one, but it also made me think. What she wrote spoke to me and made me wonder if anyone else feels the same way.

I never thought of this before and you are right, we so rarely tell ourselves that we are beautiful. We may say cute, hot or sexy, but never beautiful. Let’s face it beauty starts within and is less about how we look and more about us as a person, but people still have the misconception that it is about face value. While I can’t recall the last time I (or someone around me) said that I was beautiful, I still know in my heart that this is true…. most of the time. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t have some insecurities some days.

When was the last time you told yourself that you were beautiful? 

When was the last time you told someone around you that they were beautiful? 

Maybe it is time that we start letting people know. Beauty isn't skin deep.

Agents of Death Series

Life and Death...... sounds a tad morbid when I write it here, but this was the beginning of around 6 months of writing fun. I still don't think that it is my favourite of everything that I have ever written, but it isn't the worst either. I chose this series because those who have been lucky enough to read my work before all agreed that this was the one that they wanted to see again.

So without further ado......


Click here to read more about the series, or alternatively the first part is below

_______________________________________________________________

Life or Death

Part 1

With a glass of wine in her hand Eve couldn’t quite bring herself to get up off the couch and answer the door. She had just finished dinner and was contemplating going to bed but now she couldn’t decide if she wanted to yell or curl up in a ball and pretend that she couldn’t hear anything. The incessant pounding was only serving to make her headache worse. Why couldn’t they just take the hint and leave her alone? Was it so hard for people just to leave her alone? Placing her wine glass on the table she got up and struggling to remain calm took the few steps towards getting her peace back.

“I’m coming. You don’t have to keep banging on that door.” It hurt her head to yell, but as soon as the words left her mouth silence descended upon the house.

It had been yet another long day at work and while she continued to try and keep her façade of a life up, it was cracking around her with each day. She was too shy to fit in without lying to herself and those around her. She pretended to be exactly what those around her expected and wanted her to be. With each passing day it grew harder and harder to act as if she was happy. She was alone and desolate and wanted nothing more than company. Except at right this moment. All she wanted now was for whoever it was on the other side of that door to just leave her alone.

Standing just behind the door she couldn’t delay the inevitable. Yanking open the front door ready to give whoever it was on the other side a serving and send them on their way. The moment that her eyes settled on the handsome stranger before her, she froze. It was not someone that she had expected and certainly was not someone that she ever had wanted to see in her life. Not yet anyway, it was too soon. Every fibre in her body became drowned in fear. She could hear the blood pounding through her head, but not because of the headache, because it was the only thing worth listening too. Silence enveloped them as she tried to form a coherent thought.

“Are you going to invite me in?” His words were soft, simple and velvety, but beneath his calm presence and dreamy eyes lay a man who had damaged her family beyond repair. She knew what he was, just like she had always known that he would come for her.

She had been raised to fear this man, to never willingly let him into her life and to never let him into her home as nothing good would come of it, only heartache.

Shaking her head slightly she broke free of the thrall that he had over her and nodded slightly and stepped aside. There was no point trying to fight him, or to try and make him leave. She was not naive to think that either of those options would work. He walked past her and into the same room that she had come from as if he knew the way and been here before. The gut wrenching fear that she had felt when she had first laid eyes on him was gone now as she followed him. They both sat and she once more reached for her wine glass. Nothing of her day crowded her mind any longer it all seemed so frivolous now. She sipped her wine once, savouring the taste and replaced it on the table. He didn’t speak and she didn’t ask any questions of him. What would be the point? Sitting back she was resigned to the fact that what would be would be, she didn't resist his advances. He was death. All that she wanted to do was survive him. Survive his visit and see him leave her alone. Something that her mother hadn’t been able to do when her time came. He placed a hand slightly on the edge of her leg. Sensations were instant and she fought through the shock as she struggled to remain calm. Pain flowed through her veins at his touch and sweat dripped down her body at the sheer exertion it took to remain conscious. She wouldn't give in. She needed to win this fight. Time lost its meaning as they waged a war between one another. A war that had been brewing for far longer than either of them combined. For her, it was Life or Death.

Storytime

I enjoy writing. I have kind of always enjoyed it, but until a few years ago I didn't make time for it. Now I can't make enough time to get everything on the page. I don't normally share what I write to many, but as part of expanding my horizons I decided that posting one of my early works here might be a something different. After talking to those who have read some of my work before I decided to post a series that I wrote a few years ago. 

It is a series that I titled Agents of Death

Now before I start posting it I need to make anyone who is interested in reading it that I am not an author, my work hasn't been professionally edited and I don't even know if it is good. I am sharing it only because at the time it made me feel good to write it and I had fun.

So starting sometime in the next week (or maybe on the weekend depending on how I feel) I will start posting it here. You will be able to keep up as I post it, or there will be a tab at the top of the page that will be updated on the series. If you follow the blog by email you will get an email every time that I update my blog too. You will also be able to read a bit more about the series and how it came about.

I hope that you enjoy it!

That kind of a day!

You know it is going to be a bad day when you fall to make a drinkable cup of coffee. Today was one of 'those' days. I mean really, I am drinking black coffee with no sugar so a cup of coffee is literally a spoon of coffee and water. How can you screw that up? Turns out that you can. I made my first cup of the morning and it wasn't drinkable. It was promptly tipped down the sink and I started again, but that was 1 of many signs that I should have just stayed in bed today.

 The last few weeks since I have been on crutches I have been getting lifts to and from work. So Monday and Tuesday I am at work just after 7am when I start at 8.30am. Coffee is what I need to get me going. Not being able to make a simple cup of coffee this morning was crap. The day had it's ups and downs, but overall it was hard to feel like I had some work mojo. That isn't to say that I did nothing. It was still a productive day.

I lost track of the amount of times I wished that I wasn't at work and had stayed at home in bed. The rain didn't help either. I never like going to work when it is stormy. There should be a rule that I can have every rainy day off work automatically if it is raining when I get up. Wouldn't that be good? I can't wait to be able to put my new gumboots on and start splashing in the puddles.

My foot is feeling ok, but every now and then it would twinge and remind me that it isn't quite healed just yet and that gardening on the weekend possibly wasn't the smartest move I have ever had. I had more muscles sore today than what I have had in a while, possibly since the run for a reason in May. It was a good kind of hurt, but yet another reason that I should have stayed in bed.

But I didn't, I was a responsible adult and went to work. I only had 2 cups of drinkable coffee instead of my more than 3 and it was productive.

Tomorrow is a brand new day.

Randomness

Some people may have already read this, but I recently took a trip down memory lane and reread this for the first time in a few years. It is one of the few pieces that I have written that still makes me smile a little.

I need heavy music to pump through my soul and laughter to fill my mind. I am but a fictional character caught in the web of life. Nothing is as it seems, but what it seems to be, is only a possibility. Time ceases to hold meaning as we all but float through the gates of life. We smile and talk, but show no emotion. Devoid of understanding as we are used as puppets to entertain an unseen person. Pulled in different directions, we are given no choice, no rights and are forced to be what everyone wants us to be.

There is no right nor wrong, no heaven nor hell. All we have is all that we have been given. Working for an invisible cause, not exactly sure of direction, but no mind to help work out the way. Imperfection is what we see in one another and to a degree ourselves, but there is not magic fix. Stuck, unable to be rational, unable to think and no way to find a better place.

Lost in limbo, a land no one has yet to understand. A place so desolate that dreams and nightmares are the same thing. Friends are but a thing of the past as we walk alone. What does it mean? The answer is nothing. There is no meaning, nothing to worry about and nothing left to learn. What once was is no longer valid, opinion and thoughts have long since escaped even the most talented of minds as we all become drones of the world. Acclimatised to a new way of life that neither protects nor harms us, but keeps us surprisingly safe from unseen existences that try to cause us unmeasurable pain. Cocooned within the lies that we are told and the seeds that are planted, we are delirious and delusional.

Somewhere deep inside our very being with feel safe. Even in the back of our controlled minds we know this to be false, a mirage to keep us from going insane, but our minds are weak and unable to accept anything but what we have been told.

A child cries an unheard tune and for a split second hearts constrict and fear is felt. Some go insane with the smallest amount of the emotion while in others it sparks a light. Something to work towards. Hope even. The curtain falls with but a heavy hand as the world becomes silent again.

Peace so temporarily disrupted has changed something. The beat of life and blood in your body awakens your spirit. You soar through the clouds only to come crashing back down to the ground at the insistence of your maker, for humans were never meant to fly. Night and day blend into this unknown thing. Not quite fully light, but not quite fully dark. A permanent light as you lay trying to sleep, forces you to stay awake.

I dance, not for myself, but for a master. I open my mouth to sing, only to have my tongue removed to keep the silence. It is now that I feel pain. It tears at me. Unseen by all who can see me and unheard. I stay strong and stop the tide of tears that want to wash down my face and those of the people around me.

I am me, there is no one else in this world the same as me. I want to learn, I want to love, I want to be free. No longer content with being a slave to an unnamed force, I demand my soul and my right to choose back. Fighting for what is not only mine, but everyone else's, I wage a war. I dare to think for myself and to dream of a future that I never thought possible.