So first of all you need to know that this is a progressive post. I have been working on it for a few weeks now.
When is a lump, just a lump?
I am bad. I don’t do regular checks on my breasts, I don’t pay much attention to my health unless it is impacting me at that point in time and if I am honest, I try and avoid my doctor as much as possible. I like living in my fantasy land of ignorance as much as possible. So when I first felt a lump that I had never noticed before I didn't think much of it. I was hormonal and cranky and figured that like most things it would go away. It didn't hurt, so it wasn't on my priority list of things to worry about. To the point where I didn't even mention it to my GP the next time I saw them.
Or the time after that, or after that.
You get the picture.
Over the weekend I admit that I noticed the lump again and it hurt a little bit. This time it hurt when I felt it and it got me thinking. When is a lump just a lump and when is it time to go and see someone about it? Now don’t worry I can here you yelling through the computer screen that it is better to get it checked out than ignore it. I have an appointment with my GP to talk about it, but if I am being honest I can’t help but wonder if I am imagining it. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? I don’t know how long it has been there, I don’t know if it is bigger or smaller than normal and I certainly don’t know if it is normal for me or not. All that I know is that it is there today and in the last 3 days it hasn't gone away.
Doctors scare me. They always want to know everything, and I want to tell them nothing. I like my privacy and even though they are there to help me, I sometimes feel that I am making something out of nothing. It doesn't matter though, I still managed to go and see my GP and utter those words "I have a lump."
Remember how I said I didn't like my Dr? Well that was one appointment that I walked out hating him and maybe even myself a little for taking it so personally. He made me feel silly and while in my head I know that what he was saying was right my heart just wanted an answer. I walked out of his office with a re-education on my periods (like I haven't worked them out over the last 20yrs) and was told to come back and see him if it was still there in 2 weeks. Something about hormone levels, blah blah blah, and how it will probably go once I get my period.
So now I wait.
.
And wait
.
.
.
And wait.
.
And wait
.
.
.
And wait.
The whole time checking myself to see if he was right, paranoid that I am wrong. The pain subsided, but the lump didn't.
Then I get sick and can't seem to shake this cold that has now given me a chest infection and I have to go back to the Dr. He goes to listen to my chest and pauses, "is that lump gone?" He asks and while it hasn't been a full 2 weeks I tell him the truth "no." He listens to my chest and gives me time off work to rest and then tells me that now we will send you for testing on the lump too. In my mind I am too sick to even work up any worry and just take his request in my stride.
Now at this time I will point out that I haven't really told anyone what is happening as why worry about it when it is 'just a lump'. I do however let it slip to mum that I need to get this scan done and not even thinking about it she suddenly knows and is worrying. She doesn't say it directly, but I can tell she is. I know that even though I have told her not to worry, she still will. I guess it is a mum thing.
I get in quickly to have the scan done, and let me just say, if you thought ultrasound gel was cold when they scan your belly for pregnancy, let me tell you, it is colder when it is on your chest. It didn't take long and the guy doing the scan was really lovely and was quick to assure me that he couldn't see anything major, just a Lipoma (fatty deposit). Not that it is official until the Dr tells me it is all good, but it gave me a chance to breath again.
I finally made my way back to my Dr and he confirmed that everything was Ok. I admit that I breathed a sigh of relief.
So I guess to answer my own question "When is a lump just a lump?" The answer is, when you have had it checked and the doctor says that it is.
