Life and Death part 6

Part 6

Reaching for Eve it upset him that she pulled back. It was the first time that he had ever really felt lonely. He stopped still, reassessing what he was doing. What did he want from her? He needed to move forward, he needed to get back to what he did. He was death. He didn’t know how to be anything else. Dropping his hand he tilted his head to one side and regarded her with thinly veiled interest.

“Do you know what you are?”

She couldn’t help but laugh quietly. “We went through this last night. My name is Eve.”

“That is who you are. I want to know what you are.”

“I am an angel.”

“But what else are you?”

His question stumped her for a moment. They both knew that she was more, but what exactly, neither of them was sure. There was stillness about the room as the question hung in the air.

“You don’t know, do you?”

“No. I have never had to work it out before.” She hated admitting that especially since he was trying to kill her, but she was beyond caring about death. He was a thorn in her side, one she wanted to rip out and throw away.

“Will you help me work it out?”

“No! You would only use the information to kill me and I told you already, it is not my time. It never will be.” Outrage rang in her voice.

“I promise that I won’t hurt you.” He hated lying, but the alternative for him was to live the rest of his life in purgatory. He couldn’t do that.

“I am sorry that I just don’t believe you.” Her voice was gentle and slightly tired. So much for getting sleep tonight. The clock beside her bed glowed in the corner adding to the limited amount of light in the room. Her eyes were now accustomed to the darkness, but still she sat weary of him. They didn’t call him death for nothing. “Are you going to leave me alone yet?”

“No.”

“Surely there are others that need to die?” As much as it pained her to think of others dying, it was better them than her.

“Not by my hand, not tonight. I am here and needed nowhere else.”

She sighed, they could go around and round in circles all night, but she needed to rest. Another day of feeling desolate would bring her closer to where he wanted her. “Can I at least sleep?”

“You can do what you like. I am happy to wait for you.”

“Go away and leave me alone then. I will still be here in the morning.” She said dismissing him.

“And so will I” he countered.

No longer caring what he did, the need for sleep outweighed the need for death to leave. She lay back down in the bed and even as he remained sitting there watching her, she drifted off into a deep sleep. A sleep where her dreams were more like dark nightmares. An imaginary version of hell. Pain and torture ripped her apart from within, but no matter how they tried to hurt and kill her she still survived. She was reliving death and everything that he had given her.

As Death watched her sleep the peaceful look on her face changed. He couldn’t help but wonder what had her looking so terrified. He had never seen her look that way before. Not even when he tried to kill her. Touching her while she slept, he wondered if he could kill her in her sleep. Many before her had been killed in just that way. Pushing himself from within he gave her a jolt of power that was strictly designed to be a quick and effective way of departing from this world. His power however was met with an unknown force that pushed back at him harder, almost pushing him off of the bed. Her face never changed and she never woke. Getting up off the bed his legs were shaking. What was it about her that made him feel so weak? Leaving her room, he wandered the house, searching for someplace to recover and think away from her. He was not ready to leave her totally, no matter how much he wished to. The woman was a temptress and he had to create distance between them, no matter how small it was. The couch where it all started the night before came into view and he lay down there, hoping that with a new day a new idea would come to him so that he could fix the problem that he was having killing her.

She had felt his power working its way through her body while she slept. Riding the wave of sensation that he created momentarily before pushing him away. Her mind separated from her body and while she had the appearance of someone sleeping, she was preparing for whatever battle death thought that he could wage while she was not awake. It disappointed her that he gave up so quickly. Hearing him walk out of the room and wander through her house her mind rejoined her body and began to rest once more. Something telling her that this battle was far from over.

When the sun shone through her bedroom window and woke her, Eve gingerly got out of bed. Her body was nowhere near as tired as it had been and was healing more and more each day. Death was nowhere to be seen and it pleased her that she had some time alone. She was not a morning person and anyone who dared to invade her personal space before she had a chance to have numerous cups of coffee had a death wish themselves. Showering away the last of the fatigue she felt she dressed and returned to her room. Nothing was out of place except for their laying on her bed was a black rose. Death had been here again. His scent lingered in the air no so much as pungent like she had expected, but a subtle smell.  It was unique and that was how she knew that it was not something that she had created. Picking up the rose from the bed it looked half dead, however as she held it in her hand it magically seemed to come back to life. Dropping it back down in shock she couldn’t believe what she had seen. It was impossible to think that she could do that. Angels couldn’t do things like that. Her mother certainly couldn’t.

Mum. Emotion filled her as tears formed in her eyes. She missed her mother so much. There had been so many times that she could wished that she could take back the harsh words that she had said in anger. Her mother had loved her unconditionally and it wasn’t until she was gone that Eve had begun to understand that. Coming home from school that day Eve had seen her mum laying on the ground outside in the back yard. Her back was bloodied and her clothes torn to shreds. Her beautiful wings that she had taken so much care with were a pile of feather across the floor. Some of the feathers were stuck in the blood and those that weren’t, were gently lifting away with the breeze. Pain etched into her face showing the last possible thing that she felt. There were so many things that she never got the chance to learn from her mother and one of them was her wings. She knew that she had them, the pain when they were created made her aware for the first time of her existence as an angel, but she had never seen them before. Even now after all of these years had passed it was something that she wished that she had had the chance to find out more about. They might as well not even exist if she was not able to see and use them.

What I like about me

I have thought long and hard about this post ever since I thought about how I see myself. Up until I started writing this entry I want even sure what I was really thinking and wasn't even sure if I was going to write it all down and share it. When I read a blog about how we are all beautiful, well it was actually called I am woman hear me roar, it wasn't something that I ever thought about. It got me thinking about how we are all beautiful in our own way, but how we rarely realise it. I used to think that I knew I was beautiful even if no one told me however the last few weeks has really shown me that maybe I wasn't right. Not that I don't think that in my own way I am beautiful, but more that I don't know how or why. 

So I started a list of all the things that made me beautiful. Then I got upset because it was so small, insignificant and somewhat shallow. Once I got past that I started again, this time forgetting that beauty isn't only on the outside and really thinking about what I liked about me. At the end of the day it is the things that we like about ourselves that make us who we are and who we are makes us beautiful. So here goes..... This is my list. Maybe in future I will be able to use this as a reminder on those days that seem just too hard. 

My eyes - They are not quite blue, nor grey, nor green, but a nice mix and they change shade depending on the day. When I am happy the sparkle, when I am sad they are expressive. I may need to wear glasses am the time (or contacts if I have them) but my eyes really are one of my favourite things about me. When I first started wearing glasses in school I hated them, but as I have gotten older and wiser I like wearing them more than I don't. I have frames that match me and that make me look different and I love them. 

My lips - They are not perfectly straight and rarely need colour but they never change. Well other than from matte to glossy. They compliment me and are in proportion with my face.

My hair - Sure it is going grey, but that can always be fixed. That feeling after being at a hairdresser and having your hair cut and coloured makes me feel brand new and revitalised. So what that the colour is not my own. It suits me and my mood and makes me feel beautiful. 

The rest of my body I will freeing admit doesn't make my list. It is not that I don't like it..... Well maybe a little bit of it is,  but the most of it is that I have long since accepted that this is me. I may not love my curves, bumps, lumps and imperfections everyday however I know that they are a part of me.

My brain - I have always worked hard to learn new things and for the most part my brain has allowed that. It also helps me be creative, express myself and think outside of the box. Together we have our moments, but I really like that about me. 

My heart - I love wholly. My heart is big and I share my love to all those around me. 

My spirit - I am free even when I am not. My soul,  my spirit allows this and I love this about myself. I make my own thoughts and I have my own feelings.

Oh I just had a thought..... I was wrong about only having 3 things physically that I liked about myself. I found 1 more. 

My shoulders - Not because they are pretty or look amazing but for the comfort they bring to those around me when they need it. This makes me..... Well me. I laugh, I cry and I comfort. My shoulders allow that and my arm too when others need a hug.

We all have a right to be special and be beautiful. It starts inside first. Beauty is not just a physical thing, but a mental one too. I am slowly starting to see that I am beautiful even when I think that I am not.

Life and Death part 5

Part 5

Stepping past him she continued on her way to getting something to eat, leaving him standing in the middle of the footpath. Shaken, there was no way that she could possible hide it from herself. What was it about death that scared but fascinated her? Turning to return back to work he was gone again. Nowhere to be seen. She couldn’t help but be thankful for that. Sitting back at her desk she put on a face for those around her to see. She could and would continue to hide from those around her. When the day finished she was glad to be able to go home again. Each day at the moment seemed to be getting longer and longer for her. Walking back out of the office she looked around. The sun had started its decent below the horizon and turning towards where her car was, she was thankful that she could go home. Sleep was the only thing left on her mind.

He was waiting for her. As she arrived home, he was there. His presence alone was blocking her entry into the house more than his body. Determined not to let him get to her, she walked to the door and watched in surprise as he stepped aside allowing her to pass. She let herself in and closed the door behind her. He could stay out there as long as he liked. There was no reason that she would ever let him walk over the threshold of her house again. Sitting just inside, leaning against the front door she attempted to calm herself back down. Her heart was racing, however it was not from fear, but something else. Something that she could not name, a feeling foreign to her. Too tired to care if he was still out there or not she got up and crawled into bed. Eve knew that she needed to eat something, but her body had other plans. She was sound asleep from the moment that she fell into bed and lay that way until the feeling of someone watching her caused her to wake.

It was dark. Instinctively Eve knew that it was the middle of the night and someone was in her room. As she held her breath, she could hear there’s ever so softly. Fear trickled through her system as she opened her eyes and sat up. Death was sitting in the corner watching her, waiting for her. His soft voice filled the room answering her unspoken question. “I don’t need to be let into somewhere just to enter.”

“Just because you are here, doesn’t mean that you can kill me either.” The quick retort rolled off of her tongue.

“I may not be able to yet, but I can still cause you pain.” He rose and for a small moment she wondered if it was going to be a repeat of the night before. “You hide away from people. Even today, after last night you still made people think that you were ok. You were pale and tired but I watched you all day from the moment that you awoke, you got up and still went to work, still did your job and never once let last night get to you.”

“You watched me?” Eve was no longer confident. How could she have only seen him once?

“I can hide too.” A slight smile formed on his lips and she understood. So many people didn’t see him coming, so of course he had to be hidden from them. He sat down on the bed next to her and a sudden wave of emotion hit her once more. He held the power in the room, no matter what she wished was true she was realistic enough to know that he made her nervous. Not with fear, but with the unknown capabilities that he had.

Death on the other hand delighted in the look that passed her face when he sat down on the bed beside her. She was an interesting soul. He had been watching her all day, learning more about her. The more he learnt, the more she fascinated him. An angel, that alone was not what had stopped him, but after speaking with his father the night before he had no further light shed on why Eve was still alive. All that his father kept saying was that failure was not an option. He had not gotten off lightly and had been punished for his failure with Eve and now he had to live with it. No more death until she was dead. A little piece inside of him hurt at the prospect. He liked his job, it suited him. He could be the dark and mysterious one. The one that people fear will come looking for them. It was a solitary position, but it was also one of immense power. His father knew that this punishment would be a constant reminder to him and cause him more personal doubt and unrest.

He recalled when he was approached by his father to join the family business. He didn’t really know what he was getting into, but once it was explained it was too late to back out. His first kill had been more than a test, it had been a heartbreak for him. It was the first and only time that he had become upset over killing someone. His mother hadn’t seen it coming and by time she realised what was happening it was too late. He had won and she was gone. He couldn’t allow his father to see his pain then, and no matter how many tears he cried or how he wished that he could take it back, he knew that everything in this job was permanent.

Life and Death part 4

Part 4

A new day dawned and standing in front of the mirror she wished that she could hide the signs of last night under a mask. Her eyes were hollow and her skin still pale, she had showered away the muscle tiredness only to have it return when she got dressed. There was not enough coffee in the world for her to drink to make her feel better in time for the start of the work day. Her morality wouldn’t let her call in sick. She wasn’t dying, so she needed to be at work. Dragging her feet into the office she ignored those around her as they stole glances at her. Continuing without stopping she sat down at her desk. Eve was aware that those around her were looking in her direction, but she didn’t care. Not today at least.

“You look like death Eve. Are you okay?” Jen’s voice echoed around the office, but also broke the trance everyone seemed to be in. She looked up at Jen as everyone went back to work. The absurdity of what Jen was saying made her smile even just for the briefest of moments.

“Trust me when I say that I look nothing like death. That man is way too good looking for his own good.” She hadn’t meant to say anything, but the words rolled off of her tongue before she could stop them.

Jen’s eyes opened wide as what she had said sunk in. “You met death?” Her voice was hushed and shaky. Jen didn’t know exactly what she was, but there was a connection between them both that had been there since they met. They knew enough about each other to know that they both knew things that most didn’t.

“Yes. Now can you just keep that to yourself? I need to get through the day, so then I can go home and sleep. As you can imagine, I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

Jen nodded her head, not able to form words and went back to her own desk, leaving Eve to focus on her own thoughts and work.

When lunch rolled around she snuck out of the office alone to get something to eat. Everyone had given her a wide berth in the morning and while she was normally quite a social person, she was glad to have her space. Walking down the street Eve was preoccupied and didn’t notice the people or more specifically the person walking towards her until she ran into him. The strong firm body against her was an abrupt stop for her, but comforting too, until she looked up into the face of the stranger before her. This was no stranger. Recalling back from him she looked around. No one had a clue who he was. Death was standing before her once more. In broad daylight without a care, he looked more dangerous than he had the night before. She tried to think, but her brain struggled to form a coherent thought to begin with.

“I told you last night, and I will tell you again. It is not my time, not now, not ever. Leave me alone.” The small dose of wrath in her voice surprised even her. Her words however were true. He raised his arms up slightly in a symbol of peace.

“I am not here to harm you. You fascinate me too much for that.”

“Why are you here then?”

“Can we talk?”

“Isn’t that what we are doing now?” She couldn’t help but snipe at him as her patience wore thin.

“In private, away from all these people?”

“No.” One word was all that it took. He had caused her enough pain. She was not going to open herself up to him again. She moved to step around him, but stopped when he grabbed her arm softly. For the first time, there was no pain to accompany his touch.

“Please,” only one word, but it spoke volumes.

“I will think about it.” Nothing more, nothing less. Well it would be less for him. There was no way that he was ever going to get that close to her again. Hell would have to freeze over before that happened.

Life and Death part 3

Part 3

Waiting was the hardest thing, but eventually he saw her eyelids flutter just before her eyes opened once more. They shone in the dark. It was an advantage to him sitting in the dark for so long, his eyes were used to it. She slowly rose from the couch, a lot steadier this time. She had yet to see him, but he knew the moment that she realised that she wasn't alone by the way her body tensed. Watching as she slowly turned to face him her face showed none of the fear that he had seen when he first arrived all those hours ago. It had been replaced with a light.

"Why are you here?" Her voice was still weak, but it was solid.

"It was your time."

"Then why am I still alive?" Despite the question she didn't sound confused. It was like she knew what and who he was without him having to say a word.

"I don't know. Who are you?" While he on the other hand, unaccustomed to talking to people, was mystified by what was happening

"You already know who I am."

"True. What are you then? How did you do that?"

"I am an angel. I was brought up fearing you, just like everyone else. Faced with you however, I was not ready to die. I am not ready to give it up."

"An Angel? I thought that I had killed the last of your kind years ago." It didn't make sense.

"My mother was the last one before me. You killed her. Before she knew what I would become." A streak of smugness entered her voice. "I am now the last of my kind and you cannot kill me." She knew that it wasn’t smart to taunt him, but she couldn’t help the words from falling from her mouth.

Rising from his spot on the floor he walked towards her. His footsteps on the floor the only noise in the room. Standing above her he put on his death mask once more. Lifting his hand to touch her once more, "It doesn't mean that I won't try again."

His touch once more seared her skin, but didn’t hurt like it had before. Instead of pain she felt peace and understanding. She thought about her mother and everything that she had ever told her. Her mother always said that she had been special, right up to the day she died. Eve knew that her mother would still be watching over her now and she hoped that she was proud. She was gone before Eve knew about being like her mother. She wasn’t just an angel though, she was more than that. A smile formed on her lips as she watched Death give it his all again and fail. Last time she had been caught unaware, but this time she was ready. A light exploded from within her burning his hand where it touched her. Pulling away from her in surprise he stared at her holding his hand. Irritation and pain was visible on his face. It was her turn to observe him as she struggled to control himself.

“You are more than just an angel.” He was scared. She was scaring him. It was an unknown feeling for him that took a moment to place. “I don’t know why I was sent here now.”

“Maybe it is time for you to go then.” She motioned for the door in the politest way that she could. If he left, she would never let him return again. She would never openly let him into her home again.

“I will go for now. I need to find out more. If your time really is up, I will be back, but only once I know how to kill you.” Resigned to the fact that this was over for the night, he walked away from her and through the door, back into the night that he had come from.

She breathed a sigh of relief as he closed the door behind him. She had won, but was left with more questions than answers. Leaving the room she went in search of her bed. It was the early hours of the morning and she needed sleep before another day of work was upon her.

Life and Death part 2

Part 2

Pushing her body to its limits and beyond, Eve remained true to her heart and soul. Even as he tried to rip her apart from within she resisted his hold. Frustration and shock was evident on his face and he pushed himself just as far as she was pushing to try and get her to submit to him. To give in was something that she had never done and no matter who he was, she was not going to start giving in now. Shaking, her body could no longer measure the pain she felt, instead preferring to stay numb. Her mind went blank, but still she stayed strong inside, mentally willing her mind and body to hold out a little longer.

Her body lay motionless on the floor, suspended between life and death. Her soul was the only thing that remained. Her body, once fragile was but a hollow shell. Tears fell from her face unconsciously. He watched her from his position above and suddenly pulled back. He was death, yet all the time he had been death there was no one who had ever fought so hard against him. He could tell that she was special. Chest heaving he stood up and walked to the opposite side of the room and sat on the floor. Watching her, waiting for her, wanting her to live just a little bit longer so that he could work out what it was about her that was already getting under his skin. Blood ran through her body once more and colour returned to her previously pale skin. Her eyes however remained closed. What had he done?

Life seeped back into her as she regained the use of her body again. She could feel her fingers and toes. Aching all over she kept her eyes closed. Was this what death felt like? Did she really lose the battle for her life? Slow shallow breaths filtered into her lungs and the knowledge that she was alive dawned on her. Gingerly opening her eyes she got her bearings. She was in her home. Her head swayed when she lifted it slightly off of the floor. Falling back down she was alerted to movement off to her right. Who was that? What was that? Black spots floated into her vision as she closed her eyes and willed her body to recover just before she passed out.

Alive. He let out the breath he had been holding while watching her. She was the first one to beat him. Well maybe not beat him since he backed away, but certainly the first one that he had not been able to kill. The first to live through his torture. Who was she, or more to the point what was she? Getting up to check on her, she lay motionless on the floor. If it wasn't for her breathing he would have never guessed that she was alive. Reaching down he felt something for her that he couldn’t name. As gently as possible he lifted her up and placed her back on the couch. Making the most of the rest of his time here he wandered the room looking around. Noticing a blanket folded in the corner he grabbed it and despite being known for his fearsome side, he draped it over her. She flinched at the contact, but did not wake.

Turning off the light in the room he returned to his spot on the other side of the room. She hasn't only saved herself tonight but saved others that he was supposed to see. He couldn't leave her, not like this. Something within him told him that he needed to stay, so he did. As slices of light from other rooms in the house shone into where they were he remained motionless. Silence enveloped the room. He couldn't sleep, even though he was just as tired as she was. Energy depleted, he considered for one last time about leaving and decided against it.  No matter what his father would have liked him to do, for the first time in a long time, he didn’t care he was going to do what he wanted to.