It doesn't rain, it pours!

I am tired. Oh so tired. It is more than that though, I feel fragile emotionally. I am not one to like admitting to weakness, but I can admit to this. Shattered is a good way to describe it.

It started last Thursday when I got a call at work from my sister asking me to get the afternoon off work and take dad to the hospital. This was the beginning of the week I have been living. After numerous hours in emergency they agreed to admit him so I was finally on my way home. The parking fee was disgusting (don't even get me started on that), but I was too tired and hungry to care.
The next few days have been like walking a tightrope between work, home and the hospital. Emails, SMS' s and phone calls between my mum, dad, sister and me have been at an all time high. Today marked day 7 of dad's hospital stay with no end in sight. The last 2 days I haven't made it to the hospital I have just been too tired.

Tonight I am sitting at my sister's house while her kids sleep and she goes to Netball. Easy really but I am tired and can't wait to get home to sleep, or at least try to sleep. It is one thing that hasn't come easily in the last few days. My mind won't stop running.  Part of me wants to chuck a sick day, but I won't. For some reason exhaustion doesn't seem like a good enough reason to have a day off work. I am not dead or dying. There are others worse off than me.

My brother had a scare earlier and we called an ambulance for him, but thankfully he didn't need to go to hospital. Instead he will see his gp tomorrow.

The positive to all this is that even with the stress, the constant worry and the lack of sleep, I haven't had a migraine. At least that is something (now so when my doctor was convinced that stress was causing them).

Now I wait. It had rained, poured for a little and now I am back to rain again. Let's see what tomorrow brings.

It's not a tumour!

I get headaches and migraines. Not a big deal you may think be for someone who prior to 2 years ago rarely took any kind of pain relief it is a big deal.
Even now after many doctors visits and him assuring me there is nothing wrong,  sometimes when the pain is to much I seriously think that there is something majorly wrong with me.

In my head I have imaginary conversations with my doctor.

Me: The headaches are back, I think it is a tumour.
Doctor: It's not a tumour! (for those who have seen the movie Kindergarten Cop you will understand how my doctor sounds)

I can go weeks or months with no issues at all and then wham they are back. In the last 2 years I have worked out that it happens either of 2 ways.

Option 1 has no warning and can keep me in bed, light sensitive, for days at a time. If I am out our at work I know that I need to get home and get home fast otherwise someone is going to have to come and get me.  I can't work and I can barely get our of bed on those days to do the basic things like eat, go to the toilet or shower. The pain is indescribable and a lot of the time pain relief doesn't touch the sides.

Option 2 is like a cyclone forming. You know that it is coming but don't know when it is going to hit. I find personally that I can function enough to work most of the time, but that is my limit. As soon as the day is over I struggle to drive home and make it to bed. If it is a weekend I sometimes don't even make it out of bed as it requires to much energy.  I am constantly tired but the pain in my head is not strong enough to call it a migraine,  but is still enough to knock me on my butt. In saying that, if it continues for to long the end result is not being able to get up and function at all. Work is out of the question and my best friends become my bed, my eye mask and pain relief.

Both options leave me lethargic and while the initial headache/migraine may only last a day or two the after effects are, what I find, longer to recover from.

Neither is overly pleasant, however it had become a part of my life recently. Not exactly one that I want to stay though. Some days I wish that I knew what the trigger was so that I could just avoid it.